AUNTY RORY’S GIRL’S GUIDE TO AN AMAZING NIGHT OUT

It’s Friday, and as the clock slowly counts down to 6 pm, Aunty, if you are like me, you are wondering how you are going to spend your Friday night.

Yes dear, yours truly does not like moping in her apartment alone for eight to ten hours before finally falling asleep in front of the television with that empty tub of ice cream I swore I would not eat again. (I need to get this figure banging).

This is what I usually do on Friday nights I don’t want to be dulling.

  • Step 1: I send a broadcast message to all potential Baes; One potential surely calls back ohhh, especially if he has been on the naughty list. I am always casual with the text, never sounding too needy or pushy, else Uncle will start thinking some type of way and the next thing you know he is sprinting to the hills. My texts always go in this direction.
    Do you want to hang out this night? I feel like dancing, it has been a stressful week. Meet you up at 9 pm? Bear in mind that Uncle might be hoping to get some tongue action but I always make it clear from the beginning that this is just for hanging and not banging purposes. If a potential B responds, go to step 2. If no one responds, delete, delete, delete and get your girls to hang with you. It is so much more fun (Please do not send to the mamas and papas on your contact list, they always come back with excuses, those people will dull you, they are your friends for other purposes).
  • Step 2: If you are hanging out tonight with Potential B,
    • I say, always research on good bars that offer wonderful cocktails; Aunty R likes her some good alchemy but if you are the non-alcoholic drinking type; research for bars that serve non-alcoholic cocktails. I love cocktails because they just make a date seem and feel classy. Ehhh, ok that’s just me, you might think different.
    • I usually have a heavy lunch, if I am going to be drinking in the evening, my reason is I don’t want to get tipsy after the first glass and start giving my goodies after Uncle says my eyes are like sapphires, he is lying.
    • I eat light before I leave, this tummy must not bulge in that sexy top and I don’t have iron board abs, so I like to help myself.
    • Do I brush before leaving the house? Yes, why? , so that my breath stays fresh even after a few drinks. I don’t want my mouth oozing like a two-week-old uncleaned toilet.
    • Since potential B is not getting any action,  I go for black skinny jeans, not only are they sexy but B will think twice before he tries getting me out of them without my help.
    • I go for a V neck top or something that shows a little bit of cleavage, (my boobs are banging and I know this), not too much ohhhh, we are not going for Miss Skanky World awards.
    • I always pick the most comfortable shoes and
    • Get ready to shake my thing.
    • If your meet up time is 9, get there at 9:10; it’s good to keep him waiting, there is no rush.
    • If he is picking you up (even better), make him wait at the door and still come out 10 minutes late. He needs to be patient.
    • Relax, be yourself,  feel sexy as hell.
  • Alternative Step: If you are hanging out with your girls. The night holds so many possibilities. My best nights out are when I hang out with my ladies. We are crazy, sexy, fun. As typical with babes, we have our Whatsapp group, and plans for the night are usually done there. Have fun, life is too short.  

xxx

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